What Might Have Been

Well the school experiment is not going to work out it seems. The instructors are fine, and they teach a great class. Though the need to explain myself has one teacher thinking of them as simply excuses, and sometimes an eye roll. I am not going to apologize for this though, I am not going to feel left out or different. I have done that my entire life, apologized for being different, for seeing things differently.

As educators though there is some kind of responsibility on their part that they not only know their material, but the students themselves. I have no idea how to approach these folks and say that I am an HSP, or a Gifted Adult that just found out a few years ago. All of these aspects on life have new and different colors, and I am trying not to paint the new me with the old paint. Yet, my desire to go to college after my GED testing is now just a pipe dream as they churn the numbers to get me to pass that test, seemingly ignoring that goal. I was never trained to deal with the fascinating and terrifying aspects of this and some of it is brand spanking new to me. When I tell my Math teacher that I see words and not numbers when I look at mathematics, he brushes it aside. When I say that many of my friends say the same thing, that they can’t even understand new math and that he must hear that a lot; He says not so much…

So how can I, A. Communicate the difficulties I am going through when the analogy is being poo pooed? When who I am and what I am am trying to accomplish is understood, not as a numbers game but a human one. I always wanted to go to college and find that thing that got me, that stuck, being that I could do so much. Maybe that’s just it, a want, a wish, a maybe that will never get answered. If it’s supposed to be then it is supposed to be. Right now that supposed to be, is looking a lot like what might have been. Oh well, another journey somewhere out there awaits.

 

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