Recovery from a condition like acute Pulmonary Edema when done by the letter is life changing. Not only the stopping of the bad habits and introduction of good ones, but the addition of better thinking to get it all to work together to heal. It certainly is a dilemma of thought though, memento mori butted up against memento vivere.
This first week out of the hospital has been a very busy one. Everything from getting groceries to making follow up appointments it has been a blur of ups and downs and calls from everyone trying to get this organized and set into motion. I am still waiting for the oxygen company to set me up with my equipment. Thankfully I had an oxygen concentrator at home, a gift from someone on FB. Her mother had passed and apparently the insurance company “gave” it to her, even though I am hesitant to believe it’s not the property of the company who provided it still. But that is not the purpose of this post. I am grateful to a degree I haven’t been before, and for me that’s quite a statement.
I am in the middle of great loss these days as family and friends grow older and in some case some younger ones taken too soon. I am also in a great resurgence of friends and connecting again. I don’t know how this recovery is going to go as things are challenging, but I intend to make sure folks know how much they mean to me. As I stated in my last post, I get to love again and they deserve to know I am grateful and that I love them. When you hear the world needs more love that’s the honest truth, and I can at least put in my share and the shares I forgot to add when I could. As I get stronger and able, if that’s what the future holds, I am going to get out and try to pass along some of the wisdom I have acquired, the lessons I learned, and the acceptance I picked up along the way. In the meantime I have these pages of past thoughts and current ones all wrapped up with that emotional blanket that I have carried like Linus van Pelt all these years.
I am also going to finish up some of my larger picture thoughts and ways I see things that may upset some, may elate others, but I am not big on caring about that part of things anymore in certain areas. I do accept, I do approve and disapprove and that’s all I can do. I feel I owe some long overdue posts about some of those we lost along the way and they will be on these pages as time and emotions allow. In the meantime I am just resting and exercising when I can so that my recovery is the best it can be and whatever kind of future I have is one that is starkly different than the depression riddled last decade or so. I have an amazing employer, and I have a purpose and enthusiasm to teach. I have an AI for Business Analytics eight week course to create and edit with my employer, I would call him boss, but he doesn’t like that word even though it is a term of endearment in this case.
I have to concentrate on my recovery, making sure to take meds and hit benchmarks, and dealing with anxiety that is higher than your average Joe. But I will do it, and pay more attention to these pages. I hope this is the last “how I’m doing” post for a while as there is so much more to say… I hope you can find something along the way here that makes you stop and think, because that is all I was doing then, and now, as I am gratefully different.