Overwhelmingly Underwhelmed

It’s easy to get sidetracked in life, in the things you are pursuing at any given time. Myself, I lost the direction of what I was trying to accomplish here. I started this off as somewhere to stash my writings, a journal of where, and who I was as I travelled through life. It started with some old political, and societal pieces, and grew to include some of the thinking and observations of my recovery from alcohol and drugs. That aspect of it has been at the center for some time, but recovery is not just the bits and pieces of thought that inspire deep insights.

Photo by Ivan Xolod from Pexels

This was the place for my long talks, the ones I couldn’t find people to listen to. This is also a place for the everyday happiness, and those other things that I enjoy and learn. During recent health events the realization that this is my only work, the only thing I get to leave to the world has struck a heavy note. With no children, no career, and with few if any friends, I’m afraid my wife is the only one who will remember me at all. Other than a side note on an Ancestry.com page, this is all I’ve got. So, when life’s circumstances, and death’s proximity inch closer, it becomes necessary to reapply the focus. There is so much more to do, to finish, to edit, to begin, that it is at once exhilarating and overwhelming at the same time. I am not a professional writer, I will not get to everything that much is sure, but in reapplying myself I may be able to achieve something before I go.

There is so much I have saved for later, thinking that somewhere in the twilight of life I could find the time for. Some “other time” that I am all too fond of has become… now. The everyday joys are more difficult to come by though, as the same factors that are problematic in my life are also faced by many others. In reapplying myself though, I hope to at least make myself happy, possibly pass along a laugh or insight, or a moment caught up in the firelight. The thought of the day; Starting small is still starting.

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