A friend was commenting on a post I had put up. Someone in the program and it was an antagonist position that he was taking. I didn’t think anything of it until I was looking at another friend’s wall and found posts about punishing those who believe differently than he does politically. Another friend in the program whom I know cannot understand the idea of gifted individuals, understand the complexities at face value, quoting Dostoevsky. I understand this is a learning process, the program that is, and it is those posts that had me reflecting on my own thoughts and posts. The ignorant or punitive, I did not see as much as I thought I would. I do not wish ill will, or harm to anyone else whether they share my beliefs or not. So it is that reflection of their insides that remind me they remain at a very early stage in the learning process.

To just get it out there and in the open, there are many that use their lack of depth to discount the thinking processes and lessons that they are going through and offer. It is a set of blinders of self-righteousness that keep even the most shallow of thinkers on the road. Change is supposed to be constant, but just like trying to fix a broken brain with a broken brain, it doesn’t work. Realization of the mindsets that create us and are created by us is the fundamental departure point of change. People are either really bad at looking at that part of their life or in some kind of denial it seems. The nature of our judgements and actions on our course are no more thought through as much as Pavlov’s dogs. I saw ego in my posts and others, but at least I can say I see that. I saw lack of acceptance and lack of tolerance when held inside is the will to punish others. I saw the shining of the outside of a garbage can with the cut and paste of famous quotes but the lack of ambition or even ability to understand them further. I have no idea if any of this is true or not, I am just observing this to snap at myself later on.

It is in these reflections of self, helped along through the insights of other’s natures that help me adjust. They allow me to judge myself before I strike out or speak out unnecessarily, or with unkind intent. Am I just flaunting my ego? Am I just trying to seem smarter than I actually am? I have an idea now, I have a way to check myself down and make sure that the actions and thoughts line up with growth, or at least the next right indicated thing. The right business in that last sentence is rife with entendres so let me say, correct indicated thing in this context.

The comments continue from those that I have gotten sober with. A list of all the ills of the world and a self-righteous judgement on whether it is acceptable or not. As I looked at the list I couldn’t help myself but think that this person is not applying the principles and practices of acceptance and tolerance. The moment I typed in my comment, I was doing the same thing, so there is that paradox. While I was trying to let my friend know she shouldn’t worry about those things out of her control, I was worried about things outside of mine, if even for the lesson learned. So as I write and ponder and use my abilities to be discerning about aspects of life and the nature of things, I must pause. This is a selfish and self centered thing I do when I write, so as I deal with matters of self and all of the growth I can muster; I must readily notice those aspects of judgement and observations and recognize judgement, opinion and truth, discerning thoughts or egoistic? I do not wish to live as a monk, I am too full of BS for that. But I do wish to inhabit a happier place in life and these paradoxes get me going sometimes, reflections of kind that require a self to reflect.



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