While pondering the word prompt “patience” from another page, the umpire-ical outlook on the natures of us that I tend to fall down took hold. As I examined my patience that existential door opened up a bit. I must be patient, because I, like many others in this society, in this world view, am still and constantly paying for the past while looking toward the future. The today’s that I have encompass either paying for the past in some manner, or applying it towards tomorrows. Staying in the present and understanding those traits is a simple assignment, it’s just not easy to stay on target, patience…
A while back the saying came to me, pray enough sleep that the dream may awaken. That is making more sense as this thread of thought spreads. Somewhere between the morass of the yesterdays and the minutiae that clutters up our imaginations; The today’s are not looked upon as the are, but what our expectations of them are. They are stuck between the yesterday’s and the tomorrow’s of millions of people and forces.
So while people, regular people, go about their lives the amount of pure programming, that social and civilization mandated programming, they do so mostly blind to it. The expectations they have, whether it be a fantasy future or a snapshot of their past, is what they use to view, act upon and manipulate their world towards those ends. Some sophomoric ideas that we can get to the future on somebody else’s work, or we can go back and fix the past somehow, or just live it over again. We don’t even know what to do with the present, what business do we have looking toward a future?
I have had to learn patience, the real kind, the hard to get to area that amazes some people. Why shouldn’t it? In today’s climate of living, patience is as outdated as paperback books. Through the living of a life of addiction, I know what the pensive crunchiness feels like and the need for speed and accuracy. Those words I just wrote are about a life, a soul, not about a weapon, yet they both hold similar meanings. Why am I being made into something else? What is wrong with these base pairs? Why must those labels that so deftly and daftly define us be constructed by the unconscious, using flawed inputs?
The days of the years of our lives are few, and swifter than a weaver’s shuttle. Anyone with any vision of perspective understands the truth in those words. Though I feel I have lived a million days in this short life of a few thousand days. It is just a notion like these. that gives me pause and makes me look at the environs that my life has traveled and the mindset boundaries I have built up and torn down. I can revel in my patience and I can use it to slowly create works of art. I am not on someone else’s timeline, I am not a binary robot of off and on. Patience is more than simply accepting that it will take more time, it is the acceptance of “I don’t know” and the appreciating of finding the answers, insights and ways to do just about everything. “I don’t know?” Is ok, I am not going to beat myself up or wind myself up about it when I find myself there. I am patient enough to know, that I don’t know and wise enough to know the difference.