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December 31, 2016

Dear 2016,
I really want to say that it wasn’t you, that it was me, but I can’t. To be honest I haven’t met another one like you before. Strange, enticing, emotional, you were like drinking a sriracha shamrock milkshake while riding the inverted roller coaster. I know that it could have been better if I had tried harder, though you will have to fill me in where that was because you just took a contrarian stance. 
I should have known though, things were just starting to go right again before you came along. Always throwing away what we have worked for for the next flashy thing. I hear you are with a casino guy now with spray on hair and tan, you sound perfect for each other. I wish that I had the chance to… WTH? Nooo! I don’t wish to do it all over again, I am just going to hope that therapy and STD treatment can help me through this one. You are like the smoker that never leaves my clothes, and the little sores that pop up out of the blue to remind me of those blackout sex romps I only heard that I did years later. Your huge coming out party though infected a good majority of the world, so I nominated you for the next name of huge contagion, the next ebola or whatnot.  
Yes, 2016, you were simply a huge and costly disappointment, and your attitude was… well… you were a bitch! I don’t know how I will begin to trust a 2018, or 2022? You have really sucker punched my emotions and sensibilities and I wanted you to know that! I have been with at least fifty of you before and never, I mean never have I been treated so bizzarely screwed over. You have not only changed all of those future ones, but the place they have to live in too and it is not going to be easy for them either. It is only fitting that at midnight there is a room full of infants with baseball bats waiting for you. I hope your antique Oompa Loompa will still like you then. 
You have taken away too much from us, enough for a few generations. This is new, because only wars have ever done this much damage before. So I nominated you for the next name of environmental disaster as well, Exxon who? 
You are just going to have to live with yourself in the end. I am moving on, into the other ‘merica, of happy and ignorant bliss while the world still rotates. I am really going to give my all to this stunning new 2017 though. I am going to hold onto my wallet with this one, guard my heart, and just live to live. Because now, because of you, I don’t know anymore how long that will be, and the numbers just went back to the bookies. 
You took away our stars and our up and coming ones as well. You killed off the talent and brought in the jokers who don’t pay the rent. Yeah, 2016, I am so very glad to see you go and I hope I never see one like you again. Resolutions are a good things at times like these, so I had to finish off this one to get to number two. 

Articles:

Forget Sharia Law, The Christians are Coming

Rights, laws, freedoms, are just a few things that the Founders considered in their blueprint for a new nation. They also considered religion and the religious and set the place for those from the beginning.

Religions and the religious say that the government should leave them alone, that they are, by those words, considered protected. The meaning of those words was also meant to say leave US alone, we are protected as well from your God.

Somewhere along the way though religions gained some kind of sovereign state, diplomatic immunity, tax free status. With the spins of, don’t tread on me! I am a belief, I am a corporation, I am an individual, I am good and I am everything, I am God.

There’s the rub. In religion God is everything, or found in all we do. It is within that belief system that you find the answers to much. Including the religious indifference and the perceived war on Christianity here.

The amendment as adopted in 1791 reads as follows:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.[1]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Amendment_to_t…

M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I (Tell me you can’t make Isis out of it?)

Mississippi just passed sweeping legislation under the guise of religious liberties. It is mostly aimed at restricting and eliminating the rights of the LGBT community. It is a standard fare these days in Georgia, and North Carolina as well and it seems to be a race to the the bottom of human treatment. With proponents of the bills on here calling it corporate bullying and the right thing to do. That’s the answer they don’t wish to acknowledge, that’s the rub, God is everything and he is everywhere in their beliefs. Those beliefs don’t belong to everyone else, that is why there is government not religions in charge of it all.

In that law passed last night is also the ability for churches to create armed guards to protect their flocks. That guarding duty is even continued to allowing armed Christian patrols, who do not have to follow any government policies or permitting. They would also be immune from any penalties. For all the ignorant clamoring about Islam and Isis on here, I would like to know what the heck this is?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp…

http://politics.blog.ajc.com/2016/02/29/the-growin…

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/north-carolina-faces-b…

https://www.yabberz.com/post/corporate-bullies-win…

History tells us what was, Science tells us what is, and Religions tell us how it should be. There is a problem with that equation when one side is not doing their job, when they say that they are the pinnacle of this very even triangle. I say when one side of a triangle like that is missing then you’re just bent.

Mississippi is just the latest example of this misguided notion the God is in charge here. WE the people are not having it any longer in politics, of that most are aware. A great deal of that has to do with the Christian interference in the policing and laws, and we are not having it any longer. When Christians and their brethren subvert the laws of this land and arm themselves against it’s citizens it has gone too far. The war, the crusade, started long ago, and the disaster that was the Moral Majority did not win its bloody battles. 

http://www.infoplease.com/encyclopedia/history/mor…

Just like the Confederates, this War on Christianity is just a worn out, I am rubber you are glue childish response. God is everything to some and that everything is their politics. There was a reason for the separation in the first place, there will be painful lessons extracting it’s influence on the laws of this land and the policing of its people too. It is not a War on Christianity at all, it is a Revolution FOR Freedom. We have that right, and to be honest, that duty first.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp…

Their Nation, Not Ours

They lost the war but not their Nation.

Mississippi is winning the race to the bottom. With it’s Religious Freedom bill #1523 going forward. It appears they are on the list of the next corporate showdown over rights.

Speaking of rights, the Governor, Phil Bryant proclaimed April as Confederate Heritage Month. Did he do so on some state website? No, he posted it to the Sons of Confederate Veterans site. Setting aside April 25th as Confederate Veterans Day.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/apr/03/mis…

As a Yankee I can understand a lot of that colloquialism that goes into that rebel flag. The good ol boys, the fun on the red dirt road, you and your buddies going fishin etc…. There have been a few, very few, good things associated with that flag over the years. But what about the war? Is it over? It doesn’t appear to be going away any time soon.

http://www.civilwar.org/education/history/primarys…

It seems those states that originally fought against the Union, who fought for their own country, have never stopped. With every Un-Constitutional law and bill passed and signed the battles continue. With every nod to the glory of the losers of the war, a knife to the victors – The United States of America.

The proclamations from our Southern brothers and sisters of their patriotism is never questioned. They are the Me’rcans, the Real Americans even, the stuff of Palin speeches and Trump supporters. Theirs is a separate country don’tcha know? Whowouldathunk?

If we are going to sit here and act like it isn’t happening then we can just have ourselves to blame. The War in the South has never ended, and the battles are now being broadcast around the country and world. The slow pour of molasses over the real intentions of these fighters has stopped. It is now a full on fire hose to pass those bills that keep the funds for it coming in. To make sure that we know they are still at war with the rest of us.

This is nothing new, but with the internet and people actually communicating. These little seedy Southern towns are finding their Boss Hoggs harder and harder to hide. – Ferguson.

There are plenty of smart articulate people in the South and that amazes me. Not that they are there, but that they remain a minority. Their voices not enough to drown out the overt bigotry that comes from their lawmakers and politicians. Their voices not enough to stop this slow roll into the dark times of another Civil-ian War.

Ideologies, like that we find in Isis-Daesh groups do not die, we can’t bomb it out of them. To those who feel we can just take a look at your own fellow citizens and their zeal to hold onto those ideologies. We have not even eliminated the losing ideal from 150 years ago here, how are we going to do it somewhere else?

In the race that runs backwards in time the South is leading the way. It is far past time to add more voices to the battles and end it once and for all. We cannot erase an ideology, but we can and must enforce our Constitution, our Bill of Rights, and our laws as a nation. We must instill a formal reprimand to these states that they did not win the war. People are still hurting from it every day and the casualties still grow. For some feel it is their nation, not ours.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/apr/03/mis…

Maybe They Just Don’t Know?

Ignorance, bigotry, hatred, discrimination, intolerance. Those are all big words, very harmful words whether practiced or intoned. It is clear in one way or another that it includes 99% of us, I have no idea about that 1% but this is opinion, so I saved a few Saints out of the figure.

All of those things show up here and there, in posts and articles, comments and meme’s. It is an aspect of this society and human business that is as confusing and infuriating as it is…everywhere.

Of course there are the obvious answers, I don’t like this because of this, and I don’t do that because of this. When really examined though there may be a few reasons that may surprise some. Even the most educated and knowledgeable people may not realize, that they may just… not know.

There are articles and posts daily about this religion, that race, this Country and that country. Those people and their ways, Us people and our ways. What is causing that and who is to blame. There is, from the replies, a lot of I don’t know coming through. A lot of those big words from the top all bubbling through the keystrokes. Left and Right, white and black, Atheists and Anglicans alike, there is a lot of I don’t know. Because they can’t….

When I was a stumbling alcoholic, there was no clue in my head that I could live a life without it. When I could no longer drive there was no thought in my head that I could live without it. When I was asked to find a power greater than myself there was no thought that there could be one. I didn’t know! No, intellectually I knew in some kind of way that all this was possible. I just didn’t KNOW those things, they were alien and fear filled visions. Fear was in charge of a lot of crud, I didn’t know how much.

When folks judge others, judge actions from an armchair perspective, they don’t know. Experience tells us what we truly know and everything else is an educated guess of who to listen to and who to believe. Last Tuesday I mentioned to a long time friend that I was concentrating on my writing more. His response?… You write? He didn’t know.

It is impossible for me to know what it feels like to be a Mother giving birth, or a black man experiencing racism. It is impossible for me to know what it feels like to be a refugee from my home land, or what it means to have the wrong sex of meatsuit on. I can try, I can be understanding, but to do that would mean that I would have to go with the “I don’t know” route in my head. That isn’t the way it seems we are programmed and for some the I don’t knows stack up to be big enough for…I don’t want to! It’s work and I am scared. I am just right and you are just wrong when neither one actually are.

It is easy for some to use empathy to gain an understanding of some person or situation. It is also easy for some to close off instead of open up. This knee jerk reaction or trained response happens to the most empathetic and good natured person as well as those who share other opinions, objectionable opinions. We like what we like because we know or think we know what is best. The three E’s of environment, education and empathy is leading the way. I don’t like I don’t know..

There is a palpable and undeniable change going on at the core level of this human endeavor. The very thing that has caused so much animosity and division of our Earths peoples for so long, is losing it’s place. People are sharing their lives and experiences with each other. They are sharing the pieces of themselves that help us all KNOW what it is like to be a black man experiencing racism, a mother giving birth, a soldier on the front lines, a transgender person. Or a raving sober drunk early on a Friday morning. This thing we have feared, other people, different people, different experiences are leaving us. We are no longer a people willing to let fear dictate our future. Once the gunfire has ceased all we had to do was listen. Because maybe we didn’t know?

That’s Enough, Talk Without Limits

Yeah, this has gone far enough.

Over the last decade or so we have been introduced more and more to the word misogyny, or hatred against women. It is part of the daily lexicon of the fight women are still fighting and I see it all the time.

You see, I am right there with them. I do believe there has to be progress going forward in this continuing fight for equality and rights. There are horrible things that we men are just not getting. We men though are not the only part of the problem. Women have been missing their parts in this too. They have some closets to open up as well, they use their sex as an advantage as well. This isn’t about all of that, that is for you to decide.

There is one thing though that men get to decide every time. As much as women see misogyny in a lot of things these days, men see misandry. Misandry is just the opposite side of the coin, hatred against men. I have seen it here on these very pages. A man being called a misogynist for expressing what he is feeling. Now, us men are usually very clumsy at expressing these things most of the time. Women are way ahead of us in the emotional department and the talking about feelings.

It still holds, if women get to decide what misogyny is, then men get to decide what misandry is and is not, right? Wrong, men don’t apparently get to decide that either and that’s a problem. That’s a huge crux of the problem right there. Ladies are very good at expressing their feelings and emotions, that doesn’t mean you are the decider of what I feel, what I am trying to say. I still get that don’t I? I still get to decide what makes me feel right?

So when a mother in another state writes a rambling letter against all the bigger things than the bathroom issue. One that is ripe with misandry in my mind, I get to call it right? I get to say, hold on here, that was too much… Apparently not, because I am being told what I should feel about the piece, that I must not know what she meant. I must have been struck dumb in those few short paragraphs. That is the problem, men don’t get to have feelings on some things at all.

I didn’t disagree with what the letter was saying. I was disagreeing with the way it said it. IMO it was full of inflammatory wording and foaming misandry. Even though I am a strong supporter of womens rights, I couldn’t even get that across. I couldn’t even get my point across that this is too much and doesn’t do any good really. No, I didn’t get to do that because I don’t get to, that’s the oppression that women use a lot and may not see it. That controlling of all the messages on the subject and deciding what those things mean. Men need not apply.

There is a reason for the black avatar, you usually dress up for a funeral. I know that by bringing this up that it is the end. Because how could someone talk about women like that? Oh the misogyny….

Sometimes the men aren’t the ones doing it at all.

Thanks for everything! See Ya!

Left for Dead

For months now, I have been putting up pieces designed to elicit direct responses to various questions and beliefs from the Sanders supporters. It more than likely comes across as a dislike for Sanders, and it really wasn’t; Until today.

Right now we have a huge number of problems going on in D.C.. Many of them are being thwarted from the minority and all of their lack of power to do any real harm to the Orange Idiot’s team. To associate all that is going on with the current administration’s actions as that of a Democratic weakness or fault is ridiculous, and harmful as hell. I could just as well go into a list of reasons why the I’s don’t have more seats, or the Democratic Socialists movement is a failure before it starts. Oh? Your kid’s in jail? What did you do wrong?… Your Dad’s a felon?… You must be so ashamed?…

The reason I wrote those pieces is to find out where the “progressives” really stood on the issues? You know what I found? Just the same type of mentality against Clinton that the Trumpsters had/have, without a lot of any real substance, just a lot of blame. No, I don’t dislike Sanders, but seeing everything from this corner of the country and seeing this all get stacked up this way really, and I mean truly makes me wonder WTF?

It is apparent that the Sanders side will not give up until they have control over the Democratic party. They need that base to turn more than it needs them whether they like it or not. They are just as willfully uncaring about the country when they ignore the bigger needs to play petty divisionary games. This is less than six months into the current train wreck of an administration and both Sanders and Trump are stoking the fires of a disruptive already, divided already, hyper-partisan people with their populist rally’s and hoorah of “Trust Me Only.”

I could sit up here and put up continued article after article of the things that have vindicated Clinton since the election. I could point out what a mistake it was for a Socialist Jew to go against this Planned Parenthood ala Putin that we just saw. It would infuriate many, it would be akin to a Clinton Crew Page here on this site, and it would continue to be divisive because the Sanders folks don’t have a platform, the Democrats do and it looks an awful lot like his. So why the attacks? Why did you split the Dems so badly at a time you knew could do the most harm? Where is your remorse for your part in this for not rallying your team enough? Democrats know from Obama that we would have rallied for you if it were different.

Things just don’t add up on the Sanders side, and it has nothing to do with anything anyone else is doing. It is through his own actions, curious actions, that is getting this investigation ramped up. It is just as dangerous as anything, and for months his supporters couldn’t really explain anything and still don’t seem able to. Are you all for a stronger together? Or is this just another smoke screen to divide the Democrats even more? No matter what movement goes through, the Democrats have survived the assaults and plotted the course most Americans would like to see us going. To say that just isn’t good enough is fine, but to stand alone and lost in the political jungle and proclaim a mandate is ridiculous.

I am not going to be a part of a resistance that is going not only against the big Orange Menace, but my Democratic party as well. The answers and thoughts on how to get through this have not materialized and I am tired of continuing the rhetoric from last year; The blame games and the ridiculous assertions. So go ahead Sanders folks, have at it, have your Confederate Flag flying up there and the pride you take with it. Have the site and the mindset, and do whatever you wish. You have yet to look at yourselves in the mirror with any real honesty and I can take solace that what I am seeing and feeling is the real reality. One that continues to ask the question of WTH is Sanders really up to? There is some critical thinking that needs to be done by his team and himself as well. Until then, have this site, have the bashers and the people who simply shut down discussion on anything critical about him. This may be home to the Trump Resistance for some, to others it is a chance to divide the left even more. This concerted effort though against other progressives, others who may have thought a little differently about what would be best for our country is more cruel than any perception of wrongdoing. It is a purposeful act of being left for dead.

Since Yabberz is also the Bernie Bastion, and anti Democratic Party. Have fun, not a place for me anymore.

https://www.yabberz.com/post/bernie-sanders-on/876…

With Slings of David

I have had this title sitting up here since November 10th. I had no idea what it was supposed to mean, though I didn’t get rid of it for some reason. Was it some part of an idea or concept that already escaped me? Or one that was yet to fully come into clarity? I have no idea where this block is originating from, but it’s reach feels somewhat gigantic. Mercury in retrograde may be a part of it, or an inner tornado of bile that won’t settle down with the best meds around.

Maybe it is just a huge denial system that got kick started like an atomic bomb? Maybe it is a huge realization and a betterment of my perceptions? Maybe it is a grief of mourning for what I once thought I knew, not only about my country, but about people as well? I don’t know what to call it because it has not yet made itself clear enough to me. Thus I pick up the pen, or in this case keyboard and walk my way through this.

It must have needed a crisp New Year, a new perspective to get something out of me again. The events of the last few months escaping even my creative mind manipulation’s into the rational. Normally when I recede into myself it is out of defeat and denial, not this time. It is truly different, it feels more akin to solidifying as a small crucible of my own of beliefs and emotions. While also enabling me to view the smaller variants around me with a higher clarity. While this may sound like a lot of pseudo spiritualistic bullshit, it is just one of those times of stiffening up your chin in life and taking care of some loose ends. In my case it has to do with the inside more than the outside, but I can’t deny the outside doesn’t need work too. My journey through this is not the reason for the title though, that was just some background from one of my minds talking too loudly.

I am an American, as redneck as the best of them and apparently can write well enough to get my point across at times. I am not a formerly educated person, I was blessed with a wonderful environment though which allowed me to teach myself. Turns out I was different in my learning style with my genetic blueprint, and it wasn’t the material, it was the manner. I went into the Army, I worked in the Service Industry for over 35 years, I did what I had to do to get by. I drank and drugged with the best of them and sometimes the most famous. I am grateful to be here still, just shy of five years sober. I shoot guns, I like trucks, women, and a good tune from anyone. My connection to this colloquial state of Americana has not been lost, my love for the heartlands, my nationalism too.

So it comes down to the people who would steal my identity, the ones that define above all else, blame anyone but self, decry and demean anyone that slips from the mold. The only thing that’s left is the complete definition. What succinctly makes some unworthy? Some not good enough to share even a portion of this dream, so it must be made a nightmare. Some have more so that means it is their fault you have less, of anything, including rational thinking. For people to lose something, really lose something that is theirs, they have to let it go inside, nobody can take that away from them. Everything else isn’t a belonging anyways, it is just a comfortable extension of what folks believe to be something they can own. This isn’t a dog show where you go around pissing on the things that you want to mark as yours, even though your piss is the freshest, there were plenty there before you, so don’t ever forget that part. Piss on it right? Yet the very things being eroded are actually foundation pieces, so when the bubble bursts and people float on back down to reality again, They shouldn’t be surprised if they have little to stand on. I guess the living room corner is now the new urinal.

I believe that is what the title suggested to me when I wrote it down a few months ago. This American, this small point of insignificance has congealed. A new perspective and new real battles, for real information is the new French Underground, reality be damned a mantra for those creating their VR America to broadcast to the world. We know who we are, we are actually the majority in my opinion, not those who voted but those who live here, legally or otherwise, antagonists and evangelicals alike. There is a new behemoth, a new Babylon to conquer and it will have to be done with truth, the hard plain, talk without limits truth. There is no more time for illusions and half measures in information, in compassion and for tolerance. With the mightiest powers in the world at their fingertips the Goliath that we have allowed to spawn will be brought down, not with mighty weapons. But with simple truths, undeniable truths, a million cuts, and with a people armed with nothing more than slings of David.

Old Friends

When I was in grade school, when my childhood home was constantly filled with kids running back and forth. There was a kid that came over to our house after school to do his studying.

His Father was an only parent, something that wasn’t too common back then. He was a Japanese American kid, red, white and blue through and through. His Father wanted what was best for him of course and was what we would call strict, maybe even a helicopter type. He did not get home from work until a few hours after school and he had met my Mother through someone. Since I was the youngest of nine he trusted that his son would be safe and have a place to study. They only lived a few blocks away and he could get him on his way home from work.

Now this kid was a year older than I was and that was a huge difference at that time. I was playing games and doing things that strict parented kids did not get to do. It was a stroke of pure genius in hindsight though. Even though I didn’t ask for much help from him his study habits hit home a bit and made me focus maybe just a little bit more. My bad habits and pure shenanigans also broke down some of his shyness barriers a bit I am sure as well.

We were in the same cub scout patrol for a bit, and I was always getting into trouble. If you have seen Dennis the Menace, that was surely me. My character changing by the minute, my emotions turned on full tilt at the drop of a hat. He was a good guy, and he was at least to me a friend. As always though in life things change and all of a sudden we were not needed any longer. He could take care of himself well enough to be at home alone.

A few years later in our teen years we got ahold of each other. I had gone off to full time smoker and stoner and talking about Rock and Roll. He had stayed with his education and was what we would describe as a stuffed shirt, uptight maybe, or just too disciplined for us cool kids. I had met through my paper route a kid not too far from us that was a Dentists son. He had a great charisma and eventually the two of them met and fathers met fathers to see what kind of an influence they would have on each other.

I was too different, too dumb really, and too poor to really be a part of that group. They were the ones that went to church and did things right still. They made plans and saved money, things that kids like me didn’t know we could or even should do. Yes, they are both much better off than I am and own their own homes, or paying a mortgage. They have families with children and retirement plans to boot.

The other day I typed his name into Google and found out that he lives not to far from me. Actually they both don’t live too far at all. This is what I think separates me from many, they had an impact on my life that I can recognize. I never really got the chance to tell them that I really was playing dumb more of the time than I should have. As a fat kid I felt I needed to keep the laughs at my expense rolling just to fit in. They are part of my memories and my curiosity as well, I think about others and I think about the parts of my life that people helped or influenced me.

I believe that the kid who studied at our house still works for the Public Library system, a job he must have had now for more than 30 years or thereabouts. I could write him a letter because I know his address but that would be intrusive to say the least. I was just thinking that with all of this writing I am seemingly having to do that maybe, just maybe my name will show up on his shelves one day.

I think that would be the best way to tell these people thank you. It is for certain that I carry a small part of them, and I would hope they carry a small part of me as well.

Old friends are just the way you left them, the wonder in our years apart fall to the wayside. Like kids playing all over again, our one victory over this troublesome dilemma called time. I will gladly take it. As an update I saw him at a local market a few months later and we have each other’s number. He was amazed that I recognized him right off the bat. Life is surely special.

It’s Within the Giving

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2005/11/24/Ugandan-women-donate-to-Katrina-relief/77591132849617/

 The devastating natural disasters of the mid 2000’s affected hundreds of thousands if not millions of people. The donations and relief for the Indonesian and Southern U.S. populations were staggering and challenging to say the least. Shortly after the Indonesian Tsunami one of the donations came from a small town in Uganda. The population Mostly women who labored at breaking rocks into gravel. The donation modest as the wage was only a little over a dollar a day. Most of the women are said to have AIDS. They were so moved by the story, the human cost, they donated. Hundreds of dollars were raised and sent through a Catholic charity to Indonesia.

All too suddenly did Hurricane Katrina hit, The charity that oversaw the contributing to Indonesia could not bear to ask them for more for those victims. They simply asked them to pray for them, yet the women were not through showing gratitude. Soon another donation was sent off to the relief efforts of the victims of Katrina.

This reminded me of a story about a ten gallon hat, an old lady, and a seat cushion.

There was also the story of the Choctaw Indians, who in 1847 donated $147.00 to Ireland. It was a donation to assist with their potato famine and was a hefty piece of change in the day.

http://www.choctawnation.com/history/choctaw-nation-history/choctaws-helped-starving-irish-in-1847-this-act-shaped-tribal-culture/

I have been called too generous at times. That I am over giving, and some have assumed it is for personal gain or to purchase friendships etc… That had perplexed me for years because that is not the way it felt. One thing I can say now about my giving is that it is for the things that I have already been given that I myself give. I am a thankful person and honor the efforts of others where they may not see it themselves. The smallest of acts or words can trigger a huge waterfall of emotion at times and that is how I respond in kind. After looking for the reason why for so long I discovered something else as well about giving. It is a way I show my love, I have a lot of it and giving some away to let other stuff take its place is invaluable to me, I am full up a lot of the time.

It is within the giving that I also found out about the ten gallon hat from the old lady (her own description.) Some people have a ten gallon hat capacity for giving love and some people only have a two pint capacity. While she scolded me for taking the chair with the seat cushion she told me about volume. Giving ten gallons or two pints means exactly the same if that is all you have to give. It’s within the giving… Pass it on.

Perspective

Coming from a long history of addiction and not knowing about my gifted/hsp stuff. It leaves me wondering about all of these people that I have met. Some are very kind and understanding which is a good thing. It also could be an indicator of some bad things as well. Are these people seeing me the way I think they are? Or is this just some kind of coddling akin to a special needs child? I know I am different and some say nuts, but I do know the difference, and I do pick up all of the pieces.

When people are saying one thing and feel something completely different it usually shows up to me as plain as day. I am more trained to accept their feelings that I pick up as the truth, and what they say a secondary item. It get’s confusing sometimes when people are constantly doing the opposite of what they are feeling, or the frequency they are putting out.

So as I try to get along with this group, or any, that I belong to, there are some things I have to take into thought and be on guard at all times.

I am notoriously aloof in what I know, and what I know about people. There are times when a blatant joke at my expense is made, where people believe that I don’t get it. There are times when people are trying to manipulate me or my situation. They believe I cannot see that happening, and I play along. It is usually because I have taken their manipulation through the 1000 outcomes and have decided to play along because it would benefit me. Through this madness of mind during much of my life people do not realize that the human condition is my forte. The smallness of minds that would attempt to play these games seems silly to me. My actions and life cut from a template not recognized for what it is.

I sometimes feel it is as though the destinies of some kind of past lives are unfulfilled and still live within my psyche. That’s ok, maybe I can take care of a few of them before the bell rings for the next round.